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Pete Hegseth Lashes Out at Senators for Delaying Confirmation Hearing Until Happy Hour
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a fiery statement during his confirmation hearing, Pete Hegseth, former host of Fox & Friends and nominee for Secretary of Defense, accused Democratic senators of intentionally dragging out the proceedings to interfere with his evening plans.
“This hearing is nothing but a coordinated left-wing campaign to keep me from ordering my first round,” Hegseth fumed.
Hegseth, visibly exasperated, lamented the lost opportunity to enjoy his usual seat at Clancy’s Pump House. “I shouldn’t even be here,” he continued. “My ass should be on my favorite stool at Clancy’s.”
Despite the scheduling frustration, Hegseth assured the committee of his readiness to lead the Department of Defense. “When you’re in charge of the most powerful military in the world, it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere,” he said, prompting a mix of chuckles and raised eyebrows from the room.
The hearing adjourned shortly thereafter, presumably allowing Hegseth to make it to happy hour—albeit fashionably late.
